After Death Communication

In my role as a hospital chaplain, I am very frequently involved with critically ill and dying patients and their families. As one might imagine an individuals’ relationship with death is as varied as the individuals themselves. Unfortunately, most people are ill-prepared for death and see it as an unwelcome prowler. They ignore or refuse to explore the topic particularly when it comes to their own or a loved one’s demise. Admittedly none of us wishes to hasten death but it is inevitable and it can steal in on us and catch us completely off guard.  

I try to share with people both the gravity and importance of inquiring into the topic as well as discovering their own fears and biases around death and dying.  Cultivating an understanding and familiarity with the subject serves as an antidote to fear as well as reducing the pain of grief. Evaluating one’s latent and indiscernible personal beliefs, cultural imprints, and religious training advances this understanding.

Things are shifting, as our society is more open to investigating death as evidenced by the rise of death cafes and the expansion of grief and bereavement support groups. Further affirmation of societal interest and acceptance of death as a topic is the proliferation of social media platforms covering death and related matters such as near-death experiences (NDEs), after-death communication, visitation, or deathbed visions. Major universities such as the Perceptual Studies department at the University of Virginia School of Medicine are acutely interested and subjecting these experiences to scientific rigor (not that it requires it… author’s editorial comment).

The International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS) has nearly 1500 members and 50 local study groups. Membership includes academic scholars, physicians, nurses, and anyone interested in the phenomenon.  I have had individuals ask me… “why bother reading about NDEs or correlative phenomena?” My response is that I have found in both my roles as chaplain and as my role as a counselor, people have been almost universally comforted by this information and I am always surprised by just how widespread these experiences are. Time and time again, I have people confide in me that they have had an NDE or after-death communication of some kind that they have been reluctant to share for fear of ridicule or derision. I had a patient tell me at the bedside that she had not been able to talk about her experience for 70 years until she felt safe enough to share the experience with me. These experiences are testimony about an afterlife and that consciousness survives the death of the body, which should be reassuring to all of us.

I want to share just such an experience that I witnessed just this week. I have a dear friend whose very close relative was in a completely disintegrative state. This person had not long ago retired, recently (2 months) lost a spouse, and was finding it very difficult to cope. This person also had a long-standing challenge with substance abuse and nothing (family, friends, professionals) seemed to be able to help. I do believe that there was likely some organic illness compounding this downward spiral. My friend was trying very hard to support the relative but while otherwise engaged the relative impulsively left and would not return phone calls or connect in any fashion. My friend pleaded with that person to connect… “I’ve been trying to reach you! Please call me so I know you’re okay!”

The next day my friend received notification that her relative had passed and as you can imagine was extremely distraught… filled with guilt, remorse, and grief. My friend was then busied by the practical considerations of the final arrangements, etc. Staying with me and sound asleep on my sofa my friend suddenly bolted upright and stated that she heard her relative’s voice loud and clear …loud and clear, not a dream, not the imagination, but the voice loud and clear. The message was “I made it”!  This experience was made all the more profound when my friend showed me the last message left for the loved one… “… Please call me so I know you’re okay!”